The Monk Dude
Dada Nabhanilananda
Los Altos Hills — A while ago I read about some Australian scientists who think that crocodiles are birds. I’m just waiting for them to announce that horses are insects, fish enjoy studying particle physics and octopuses can easily be taught to play the piano.
Here’s how they reached this astonishing conclusion.
They picked on three large crocodiles that were living a bit too close to a popular beach for comfort, and tried to relocate them to a remote swamp. Please note that we are talking about the Australian Saltwater Crocodile (Crocodylus porosus), the largest reptile in the world that can grow up to 7 meters (23 feet).
These are quite different from your docile Florida alligators who can often be spotted assisting elderly ladies across the road. Australian Crocs are man-eaters – aggressive monsters whose favorite food is American tourists. In fairness I must mention that according to the Brisbane based, Crocodile Public Relations Office, more people are killed by vending machines than by innocent little Crocodylus Porosus.
Yeah right.
Anyway, this group of deranged Australian scientists captured three of these monsters, took them for a ride in a helicopter and released them in a swamp, 400 kilometers from home. It seems the crocodiles did not appreciate their new abode. I mean how would you feel, being kidnapped from your villa in an expensive location by the beach, only to dumped in a swamp in the middle of nowhere?
Naturally they preferred to be where the action is and where takeaway food is readily available. So they took some photos to show to their lawyers and headed straight for home, covering the distance in about three weeks. Observing this behavior, the scientists jumped to the remarkable conclusion that crocodiles must be related to birds, using the following reasoning: some birds are good at finding their way home over great distances, these crocodiles found their way home over a long distance. Therefore crocodiles are birds.
Using this logic we could conclude that London taxi drivers are also related to birds. 
Our intrepid researchers further claim that crocodiles “get homesick” and are “just like boomerangs.”
These are real quotes from the BBC website, and for me these statements constitute sufficient evidence to make a case for the scientists themselves being birds. Of course the solution is obvious.
If these scientists are really concerned about protecting tourists from dangerous animals, why don’t they deal with the real culprits: vending machines? They should start capturing vending machines and flying them hundreds of miles to dump them in a swamp. I’ll bet they (the vending machines) won’t come running back home in a hurry to attack tourists, because obviously vending machines are not birds, so they’d get lost.
And if the crocodiles learned how to use the vending machines themselves, we just might kill one bird, and one non-bird, with one stone.
(About the Writer: Dada Nabhanilananda, also known as the Monk Dude, is a yoga monk and an award winning songwriter, a meditation instructor and author. He lives in Los Altos Hills in California. For more of his music and works, visit his website on www.themonkdude.com. You can also support his works through the Enlightened Leader campaign http://www.rockethub.com/projects/42779-the-enlightened-leader-project).
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