A Vigilant Wife’s Fried Chicken

By Vanette Colmenares

New York City — Television programs like “Legal Wife” or “Two Wives” that are trending in the Pinoy boob tube make us wonder if our husbands are having ‘sideline’ affairs that we don’t know. Even our partner’s glance at another woman, or just a mention of a girl’s name often makes us feel uneasy. Here is a recipe I wrote years ago on how to take your vigilance positively, even if something is bothering you. Enjoy.

A Vigilant Wife’s Fried Chicken

4 chicken breasts (name them according to your suspects)
1 bottle pizza sauce
Basil leaves
1 pack grated mozarella cheese
4 tablespoon olive oil

Wash the chicken breasts under cold running water. Wipe dry and place each breast on a cutting board. Now take a meat pounder and hit each breast with resounding force. While doing so, shout out the name of the girl you think is flirting with your significant other.

Sprinkle salt and pepper on the breast. Place a pan on the stove and turn on medium heat. Go to your room and check your man’s cellphone if there are messages from any woman you don’t know. NONE. Go back to the kitchen.

Place oil on the pan and fry the breasts. Go check your Facebook and see if there are messages on his wall from any woman or if there are women friends he had befriended and are not familiar to you. NONE. Go back to the kitchen and flip the chicken to cook the other side. Go check on your house phone for numbers he may have dialed which are not found on your list of phone numbers. NONE.

Open the bottle of pizza sauce and spread over chicken. While waiting for sauce to bubble, go to the laundry room and check if there are any lipstick marks or any scent of lady’s perfume on your man’s clothes. NONE. Now go back to the kitchen and check if the sauce has bubbled. Sprinkle chopped basil leaves and cover with grated mozarella cheese. Remove from fire.

Turn on the oven broiler, and set if for 5 minutes. Place your pan of chicken dish under the broiler to create that golden finish. That will give you enough time to go to the garage and check his car for any lady’s items which are not yours. Meticulously check also for undoubtful strands of hair. NONE.

You find yourself elated for having no evidence whatsoever and think you are one lucky girl. Prepare the dinner table with the best china, silver utensils and a bottle of expensive wine. Then imagine that every bite that goes into your mouth, will be a celebration.